Life and death for me

“So many times left alone
This was my only home
Again down on my luck this is all I fucking got
You think it’s sad that I’m still here
Well save that shit cuz I don’t fucking care
All I’ve seen, all you’ve taught to me, is forever instilled in me
You say you fucking live for this, but what the fuck did you ever give?
I gave everything
You know I’ll die to keep this alive
Because of this ever dies, I fucking die
Life and death for me”

Terror – Life and Death

Tonight I had a great time. I laughed my ass off, caught up with old friends, got some sweaty clothes and some bruises, and even got on stage to sing, feeling that old adrenaline that gets me acting like a maniac, even if just for a few seconds. And all I had to do was drag my lazy ass to an hardcore show.

The lyric above, maybe the best one from Terror, is one of the few that really defines it all for me. And yes, I still love this band, since the first time I heard an old song (Nothing to Me) on a video that someone got me on mIRC…I don’t care ’bout the fact their last albums suck, or that they’ve gotten pretty big. I just feel it.

Sometimes I get mad comments ’bout how crazy I am for going to shows and getting my face cut, teeth broken, bruises on my body and shit…and people think I’m even crazier cause I just can’t explain why I do it. The answer, at least for me, is simple: it makes me feel alive, and free. It’s an amazing feeling just to be myself, with no thinking, no good looks, no pretty faces, no shit. I just let it all go, not caring ’bout the blood, the sweat, the pain…not even myself. In moments like that you feel truly alive.

I don’t keep track of these things, but probably 9 years have past since I first heard hardcore…seen many people come and go, others telling me “it’s just a phase”, but the fact is that it’s still one of the few shits in my life that I got true love for, and one of the few reasons to get a smile on my face out of nowhere. It gave me so much knowledge and experience, so much strength and wisdom that I think I’ll be in debt to this feeling for the rest of my life (and by feeling I mean hardcore, with all the people that I care about in it, not the “scene”, that’s just a concept made for people to build up social bullshit upon).

And that’s it. I could tell much more ’bout everything in hardcore that I love, but I’m just letting go some feelings.

Thanks for reading, whoever you people are.

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